1. Start with one person and one purpose
You do not have to write something for everyone at once. Choose one person and the main thing you want them to take from your message. It could be gratitude, reassurance, a family story, or an explanation of something meaningful.
- What would I most like this person to know?
- Which memory would I like them to keep?
- Is there anything practical they need explained in my own words?
Be gentle with the recipient. A message can offer care without asking them to react in a particular way, keep a secret, or carry out an obligation.
2. Choose words, audio, or video
Writing gives you time to revise. Audio preserves your voice. Video can capture your expressions and the way you tell a story. Choose a format you feel comfortable making and that the recipient will be able to open.
For a recording, a quiet room and a short outline are a useful starting point. Play it back to check that your words are easy to hear. You can make a first version and improve it later.
3. Write a first version
A simple structure is often enough:
- Begin with the person’s name and why you are writing.
- Share one specific memory or thought.
- Say the main thing you want them to know.
- Close in words that sound like you.
“I wanted you to have this story in my own words. One of my favorite memories of us is...”
You can leave out anything that feels forced. Your message does not need to summarize your whole life. Keep the working draft somewhere private while you decide what to include.
If you would like to practice with a single memory first, try the guide to recording one family story.
4. Choose how it will reach them
Writing the message and arranging its delivery are separate decisions. Consider who will hold it, how they will learn that you have died, how they will find the recipient, and what should happen if the original instructions cannot be followed.
A person you trust: You can discuss whether someone you know is willing and able to hold the message and follow your instructions. Make sure they know where to find it and understand what you want.
A date or inactivity-based tool: Check exactly what causes a message to be released. A fixed date or missed check-in is different from confirmation of a death. Understand the trigger before entrusting a message to it.
A managed service: Review what the provider agrees to do, how death is verified, what delivery includes, how changes work, and what happens if the service closes.
With ThereAfter, your words become part of your Memorial. We share it only after our team verifies the death, any confirmation contact you chose agrees, hosting is in place and our team approves the release. Then we email the link to the people you chose.
5. Make the instructions clear and keep them current
Record who should receive the message, how they can be reached, and the timing you want. Explain any conditions plainly so they can be reviewed before you commit to a delivery arrangement.
Revisit your instructions when a relationship, contact address, or preference changes. If you use a service, check how you update your instructions with it. For questions about ThereAfter, email contact@thereafter.life. Please don’t send private files.
Decide what you would want considered if a recipient cannot be reached. A fallback preference should support clear agreed instructions, rather than leave someone guessing.
Your message-planning worksheet
Copy these prompts into your own private document, or print this section. This page does not collect your answers.
- Who is this message for?
- What is the one thing I most want them to know?
- Which story or memory would I like to include?
- Will I write, record audio, or record video?
- Where will I keep my working draft?
- Who or what service will arrange delivery?
- How will that person or service confirm when delivery should happen?
- What timing and contact details will need to be agreed?
- What would I want considered if the recipient cannot be reached?
- When will I review the instructions again?
Questions before you arrange delivery
Do I need a finished message before I start planning?
No. You can start by identifying the recipient and the kind of message you want to leave. When you choose a service, check what it needs from you and agree the details before relying on it.
Is a scheduled email the same as delivery after death?
A scheduled email is tied to a date and time. Delivery after verified death depends on confirmation of the death and the instructions agreed with the person or service handling it.
Can ThereAfter share my words after I die?
Yes, as part of your Memorial. It’s a page, not a private message: we email its link to the people you chose, and anyone with the link can view and forward it. We share it only after our team verifies the death, any confirmation contact you chose agrees, hosting is in place and our team approves the release. Using this guide on its own doesn’t arrange anything.
Who can I ask about ThereAfter?
Email contact@thereafter.life. Please do not send passwords or private files.